i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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