ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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