there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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