Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
