Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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