It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
