I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
