Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize