am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
