i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
