Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
