So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the condom got lost in my hair
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
