Welp...herpes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
There's even glitter on my cock...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
