I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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