I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
