i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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