I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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