I didn't shave. On purpose
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i think i just lost a toe
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
