You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
