I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
