the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
