I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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