so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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