he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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