Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
