drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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