hell yes lets make some ravioli
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
