he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
please come you make the beer taste better
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
