I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
