Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So much rum. So many feels.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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