someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
