im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
