if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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