i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We have so much sex to catch up on
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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