Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
