You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
