My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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