Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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