You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Iām not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I guess Iām only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to āMarilyn Monroeā and āJoe DiMaggioā in their condo
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