I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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