you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
