At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
