I think my fart just growled at me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
