I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
