She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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