dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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