My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
