Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
