I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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