Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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