Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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