is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
