Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
