what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
