Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
