I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
