she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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