what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
