So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
