So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
