my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
