im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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