I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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