We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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