Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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