evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
