So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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