i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
