I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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