She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
