we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
