I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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