I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
