i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
