The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
