We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
