I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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