I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We talked him into tasing himself.
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm having to shit out rocks
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