it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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