He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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